It has been estimated that domestic and family violence affects approximately one quarter of the world's women. Statistics indicate that domestic violence (in contrast to stranger violence) is most likely to be committed by men against women, however, it is also known that men can experience domestic and family violence against them. In either case, domestic and family violence has devastating consequences for all involved, including men, women, children and the community at large.

Domestic and family violence is an abuse of power in an intimate relationship. It is present across all cultures and other demographic distributions. Some laws and traditional lore in some cultures or countries, or the interpretation of them, allow directly or indirectly, the suppression of women’s lives, or the abuse of power to oppress a section of society. This does not make this practice acceptable; the experience of abuse harms and causes suffering to the victim of the violence. Use of violence of any form is a breach of human rights. (Immigrant Womens Support Service, Myths and Facts www.iwss.org.au)

Some people think that because violence happens in personal relationships, it is not anyone else's business. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Domestic and family violence is a crime, and criminal behaviour is the business of the whole community. Domestic and family violence is against the law and it has serious consequences.

Violence is a behaviour, and behaviour is a choice; nothing ever justifies violence or the choice to use violent behaviour. NEVER think that someone else's violence is your fault.  We are each responsible for our own behaviour.

Many people wonder if such things as 'nagging' can cause domestic and family violence. Absolutely not - violence is still a chosen behaviour. Nagging may cause a person to feel angry, upset, agitated or annoyed, but it cannot make them use violence. There are always alternatives to violence.

Alcohol does not cause violence.  People who use violence against those they are in relationship with, choose to do so.  Alcohol can create situations where people are less in control of themselves, and can reduce inhibitions to doing things they would not normally do, but this does not excuse the use of violence, and cannot provoke the use of violence.

Studies have shown that even though alcohol is involved in some cases, these same cases also report abuse and violence during sober periods.

Some people say that the violence only happens when alcohol is involved, or that it is much worse when people are drinking.  This may be the case, and is useful information for safety planning, but still does not excuse the use of violence.  Violence is a behaviour, and behaviour is always a choice.

Domestic and family violence is not caused by stress.  People who use domestic and family violence in their relationships do not randomly assault people because they are under stress... they choose when it will happen, where and to whom.  The majority of perpetrators of domestic violence control their anger, stress and frustrations when around other people, such as work colleagues or friends.

Many people who are subject to domestic or family violence will chose not to leave the relationship, or may leave, only to return. These decisions are usually based on a range of experiences and assumptions, which may include:

• A sense of responsibility to the children to keep the family intact
• Ongoing harassment and violence against themselves and the children. Studies have shown that the safety of women and children is most at risk in the period directly after leaving a violent partner.
• Poverty, homelessness and other practical difficulties arising from leaving the relationship
• Fear  for the safety of the children when attending contact with the other parent
• Love and a belief in the promises of their partner that the violence will stop.

It is important to remember that most people who experience violence do not want the relationship to end, they want the violence to stop.

Rather than asking why people use violence, or why people stay in violent relationships, a more useful question might be: "What prevents the abusive person from having respectful, healthy relationships with others?"